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AUDIO LIBRARY

Hello! I am Joe Bevilacqua!
Welcome to the comedy section of
The Joe Bev Audio Library.

Also visit the Drama Library...

Here you can read about and listen to just a few of the hundreds of half-hour audio plays I have produced, directed, and/or acted in over my 35-years in show business. I will be putting up more complete audio stories for you to listen to in the future, so come back often.

If you like what you hear or see, please use PayPal to donate to the nearly lost art of the spoken word, here.


You can also buy CDs of any of the shows below, by sending send $11.95, plus $1.00 for shipping; please include your name and address and the name of the show(s) you want, via PayPal to joebev@joebev.com.

 

 

COMEDY

The Whithering of Willoughby and the Professor: Their Ways in the World

The Misadventures of Sherlock Holmes

 

The Whithering of Willoughby and the Professor: Their Ways in the World
This is my epic science-fiction fantasy comedy about a boy and his professor who travel willy-nilly across time and space in failed attempt to ''cure the world of all its ills.'' I first created these characters at the age of 13, in 1972, and am still creating new adventures 35 years later! It all started when my father bought me an early home model Panasonic cassette recorder when I was 12. By the following summer, I was ad-libbing full half-hour audio plays, with music and sound effects, in my bedroom. You can hear the story behind the story, as it aired a few years ago on NPR's “Weekend Edition”.

Below you can hear the eighteen stories I created from 1990 to 2007, first for WNYC-FM in New York, and more recently, for XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 as well as three of the many early ''Willabys'' (noted the different spelling) I created in my bedroom as a child. You will note that each of the titles below come from lines within the script itself and they will make sense once you have listened to the entire episode.

Many of the XM broadcasts below begin with a comic introduction by me, Joe Bevilacqua and my talented wife Lorie Kellogg, recorded between 2003 and 2007, opening narration written in poetry form by Robert Cirasa and read by A. Bysshe Sisyphus (played by me), and announcing and theme music by WNYC's David Garland. I was joined by Margaret Juntwait in the female roles for episodes 16 and 17. There are a number of musical episodes, with music performed by the Paul Salomone Trio with Paul on piano, Ed Fuqua on bass and Jim Mason on drums.

Episode One: ''I'll Teach You!''
or ''Box of Nothing''

 

Willoughby and the Professor begin their arcane experiment to ''cure the world of all its ills'' by attempting to gather up 13,000 roaches into a box and transporting them to the Saudi Arabian desert, much to the dismay of their grumpy landlady, Mrs. Way (aka Ms. Witchway). Unfortunately, things go awry and the pertinacious professor and his perky partner as jettisoned away with the box of roaches, via the professor's space-time puckering device. I co-wrote the script with Robert J. Cirasa, and I produced, directed and performed all the characters myself. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in October 1990. When it was repackaged for airing on XM Radio, I added part one of an interview with Bob Cirasa and I conducted by David Garland, which is actually from a live broadcast of episode ten.

Episode Two:
''Holy Smoke''
or ''The Red-Suited Man''

 

When Willoughby and the Professor and their experimental box of 13,000 roaches land in the Saudi Arabian desert, the Professor's entire body is embedded below the sand, from the force of the fall and the box lands on him, not allowing him to move. As Willoughby tries in vain to extricate his mentor, they are visited by an United States Army captain in a tank, an angry scimitar wielding Arab Bedouin on a biting camel, and an evil-minded Santa Claus. Willoughby's final attempt to free the Professor results in them striking oil and they are only saved at the last moment when they are once again ''puckered'' away through time and space, thanks to the dial twisting of nosy Ms. Witchway back at the lab. I co-wrote the script with Robert J. Cirasa, and I produced, directed and performed all the characters myself. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in December 1990, around the time of the start of the first Gulf War. When it was repackaged for airing on XM Radio, I added part two of an interview with Bob Cirasa and I conducted by David Garland, which is actually from a live broadcast of episode ten.

Episode Three:
''More Edible Than Durable''
or ''You Smashed My Monkey!''

 

 

 

Willoughby abd the Professor (and their experimental box of 13,000 roaches) land in the upper canopy of the Brazilian Rain Forest, where they meet senile explorer Doctor Cheshire Del Gatto (who smiles much like the Lewis Carroll Cheshire Cat he is named after.) Soon, they find themselves falling through down to lower levels until their box of roaches lands on and kills the monkey of a local farmer, who, with other farmers, is about to set the rain forest ablaze in a ''slash-and-burn' reclamation. Luckily, just as they are about to burn to death themselves, our heroes are once again ''puckered'' away through time and space, thanks to the dial twisting of nosy Ms. Witchway back at the lab. I co-wrote the script with Robert J. Cirasa, and I produced, directed and performed all the characters myself. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in February 1991, around the time of the start of the first Gulf War. When it was repackaged for airing on XM Radio, I added the first part of one of the first ''Willaby'' ad-libbed stories I recorded at age 13 in 1972: ''Willaby Meets Bartizan the Genie,'' in which I play all the roles.

Episode Four:
'Oh Boy, She Looks Great!''
or Which Witchway is Which?"

 

Willoughby and the Professor (and their experimental box of 13,000 roaches) finally ''pucker'' back home to Ms. Witchway's Boarding House for Lab and Lodgings, only it is forty years in the past when the young sexy Madam Witchway ran a brothel! Our heroes attempt to jettison out of the past back to the present, only to bring old Ms. Witchway back in time as well, causing their two world's to collide, exploding the box and causing 13,000 roaches to rain upon them. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in 1991. When it was repackaged for airing on XM Radio, I added the second part of one of the first ''Willaby'' ad-libbed stories I recorded at age 13 in 1972: ''Willaby Meets Bartizan the Genie,'' in which I play all the roles.

Episode Five:
''Your Separate World Lines''
or ''I'm Big and You're Small''

 

Willoughby, the Professor, and old & young Witchway are still trapped in the past. Worse, the bringing of old Witchway into the past has caused a shift in the space-time continuum, and our heroes find themselves in another dimension where roaches are revered as pets. Fearing a health epidemic of global proportions, the pertinacious and his perky partner rush to the United Nations. Unfortunately, their warnings go unheard, as the two Witchways break into a physical battle and their contact causes a more extreme shift in time and space that leaves Willoughby enormously gigantic and the Professor absurdly miniature. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in 1991. When it was repackaged for airing on XM Radio, I added the third and concluding part of one of the first ''Willaby'' ad-libbed stories I recorded at age 13 in 1972: ''Willaby Meets Bartizan the Genie,'' in which I play all the roles.

Episode Six:
''Now It's Time To Sing!''
or ''Unwanted Noises in the Air''

 

In this first of several musical installment, a giant Willoughby and a tiny Professor find themselves in The Land of Solitude and Singing, a world in another dimension on the very spot where the United Nations once stood. It is overseen by a half-Norse, half-Native American Shaman named Dances-with-Sven Erikson, a direct descendant of Leif Erickson, who forces then to sing their thoughts. At first, the Professor, seeing the natural beauty of the landscape thinks he has finally ''cured the world of all its ills'' but soon realizes they are trapped in a bubble where no children are allowed. Dances-with-Sven recreates their experimental box of roaches using magic but soon sends our heroes away to ''we know not where,'' and finally is puckered away himself. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in 1991 and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, and XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003.

Episode Seven:
''I Like This Box!'' or ''Oh Victim Man!''

 

Willoughby and the Professor are no where to be found. Instead, Dances-with-Sven Erikson, half-Norse, half-Native American Shaman, and the box of 13,000 roaches have puckered into a place very much like Washington Square Park in New York City, but in another dimension. There, he meets homeless hordes living in cardboard boxes, who are entertained by ''dial-a-noise'' telephone boxes upon poles that make funny sound effects. Among the homeless denizens are the now married Witchway, her frail poet husband A. Bysshe Sisyphus (our narrator) and their preternatural devil baby Incubus. Soon, everyone is fighting over the wooden box which would be a better home then cardboard, resulting in Witchway, her baby, and one of the homeless men puckering out into space to parts unknown, leaving Sven to play with a ''dial-a-noise' box by himself. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in 1991 and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, and XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003.

Episode Eight:
''Oh Dalai '' or ''Life is Dukka''

 

Witchway, her baby, and one of the homeless men from another dimension are jettisoned through time and space and land in the Temple of the Cold and Holy Mountain in a place much like Tibet. A low-level Lama mistakes the baby for the reincarnation of the Dalai Lama after the baby magically turns his mother, Witchway, to stone. The ceremony is interrupted by adventurer Himalayas Hinchcliffe, who busts through the door, cracking a whip and shooting his gun at everyone in sight. With him is Big Willoughby and Little Professor, both of whom are returned to their correct sizes by the magical baby. Hinchcliffe thinks he can make money of this magic trick and kidnaps Willoughby, the Professor and the baby, killing everyone else in the temple as they leave. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in 1991 and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, and XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003

Episode Nine:
''The Traveling Extravaganza''
or ''His Name is Bub''

 

Willoughby and the Professor are held prisoner by Himalayas Hinchcliffe, who displays them as sideshow freaks, sinking and growing in size at the whim of Witchway's magical devil baby. They travel in a carnival across the vast Asiatic Steppes of Russia, until Witchway herself shows up to rescue them and rename her baby Bub. The show begins with instructions on how to use a mythical ''scratch-n-sniff'' card that listeners supposed have in order to smell the story as well as hear it, and a ''scratch-n-sniff”''square dance performed by the local Russian rubes. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in 1991 and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, and XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003.

Episode Ten: ''More Dogs For Me?''
or ''Knock-a-knock-knuckles''

 

Willoughby and the Professor are back at Ms. Witchways Boarding House For Lab and Lodgings, but are still trapped in another dimension. The Professor's new experiment with dogs is interrupted by a strange holiday, ''Who's at the Door Day,” involving, door knocking, foolscap hats, locked closets, and the eating of the family dog, much to the dismay of Willoughby who has adopted a sickly canine he appropriately named Bones. Once again, devil baby Bub steps in and the ensuing havoc results in Bones being made health and Willoughby deathly ill. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York on December 11, 1991 and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, and XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003.

Episode Eleven: ''You're a Messiah''
or ''Buboes in the Lymph Nodes''

 

This is the second musical in the series. As a result of the Professor's wayward experiment with dogs, Willoughby has contracted the Bubonic Plague. As the Professor goes outside to buy some wire to cure Willoughby, he is greeted by Mr. B.L.Z. Bub, and a cheering throng who worship the Professor, who has apparently inadvertently finally ''cured the world of all its ills'' by transports all the diseases of the world into Willoughby's ravaged body. Mr. Bub convinces the Professor to run for Global Messiah, and after a lively campaign song and film about the Professor's achievements, he is elected. Unfortunately, when he does cure Willoughby, he makes all humanity deathly ill, and his ''victory march'' becomes a funeral dirge, as they set on via ox cart to survey the devastated ruins of the sick and dying population. This first aired on WNYC-FM in New York in 1992 and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, and XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003.

Episode Twelve: ''A Box in the Dark''
or ''Dead Men Do Not Groan''

   

Willoughby and the Professor travel by ox cart across the devastated landscape of what was once New York City, in another dimension. They soon discover the world is spinning faster and faster and backwards, and that the land has been taken over by a cult of witches, head by Ms. Witchway, and made up of all the characters from the previous eleven episodes, who want to burn Willoughby and the Professor for NOT being witches. However, once again, our heroes are ''puckered'' out of this mess and into yet another. This first aired on WBAI-FM in New York in 1992 and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, and XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003.

Episode Thirteen:
''Is Eloquence a Bauble''
or ''Where's My Cyaneus''

Back home once again in Ms. Witchways Boarding House For Lab and Lodgings, Willoughby and the Professor begin their third experimental attempt to ''cure the world of all its ills,'' this time by creating a giant mosquito containing all the genetic code favorable to mankind. Their plans are thwarted this time by the meddling noisy Mr. Witchway (aka A. Bysshe Sisyphus) and the evil devil baby known as Bub. Soon, our heroes are accidentally jettisoned out into the space-time continuum, again, this time landing in the frozen tundra of Antarctica, or its equivalent in a different world-line dimension. There they find the frozen corpus of a displaced prehistoric Amazon woman. Once our heroes fall asleep to the glow of a warm fire keep warm, the Amazon, who is still alive, defrosts and sings them a lullaby before attempting to kill them with her bamboo spear. This installment has been airing on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2003.

Episode Fourteen:
''I Do Not Like the Blackness of Her Nose''
or ''The Penguins Laugh at You!”

 

Just as Willoughby and the Professor are about to be killed by the defrosted prehistoric Amazon woman, they are rescued via helicopter by a scientist-pirate, Trapper Carl, DSC, who traps the angry woman in a cage and takes them all to a scientific symposium in the Antarctic, where the Professor must present an impromptu paper on his discovery, before a group of comedian-scientist. The event turns into a three ring circus, complete with horn playing, bell-ringing seals, hoop-jumping dogs and the comical sounds of Trapper Carl's digital electronic parrot, Chippy. This installment has been airing on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2004.

Episode Fifteen:
''The Genius of These Woods''
or ''I'm Also Wearing Explosives''

 

When Trapper Carl leaves Willoughby and the Professor stranded in a place much like Walden Pond, Massachusetts, but in another dimension, the Professor decides to recreate Henry David Thoreau's “Walden” experiment, correcting the mistakes Thoreau made. They are quickly interrupted by a caravan of stars from Hollywood who sing “Make the Earth Say Beans” and set up a vegetarian rodeo (no animals). Just as famous black cowboy wrestler Red Mavis, the Brown Thrasher is about to make his speech, the Professor eats some psychedelic mushrooms and Willoughby happily joins the rodeo. Suddenly, their cabin is blown up and everyone is tortured by Mother Terrorista and her band of femanazis, who kidnapped Willoughby and the Professor and drag them off to be brainwashed. This installment has been airing on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2004.

Episode Sixteen:
''Say Jacques!''
or ''She's Got Kneepads!”

 

In this clever tribute to the classic 1960s British cult hit television series, “The Prisoner,” Willoughby and the Professor are held captive on a tropical island, by Mother Terrorista and her band of femanazis, who attempt to brainwash our heroes, but first making them act like dogs, handymen, and auto mechanics. Lastly, they are put in a dreamlike state, by sweeping them around in circles in a large swirling machine. Along the way, they have run ins with Number 36, Number 37, Number 38... and, of course, Number 6. In the end, they hear the distant voice of Willoughby's mother who calls him by the name Jacques. This installment has been airing on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2005.

Episode Seventeen:
''You're God, Apollo Jacques''
or ''Boys Don't Have Feats''

   

In this one-hour installment, Willoughby and the Professor have been rescued from Mother Terrorista's Island for Wayward Girls, by Willoughby's mermaid mother and mute fisherman father. They quickly find themselves out at sea on a fishing boat, traveling to the world's 'navel where Willoughby is to collect all the cork on the planet and be elevated to a Greek god, named Apollo Jacques. This installment has been airing on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2007.

Episode Eighteen:
''Willoughby Goes and Gets It''
or 'She's the President''

 

 

In this one-hour installment, adapted from the short story Bob Cirasa and I wrote for the book: It's That Time Again: New Stories of Old Time Radio, published by Bear Manor Media, we finally discover how Willoughby and the Professor first met. It is dinner time at Mrs. Way's Board House when the Professor invited a strange visitor to join them, much to the horror of the other boarders—Miss Dawson, a naive school teacher, Frank, paranoid bus driver, and a Jeremiah, a wheel chair bond World War II veteran with a sour temperament. My wife Lorie Kellogg essayed the female roles in this one, which has been airing on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 since 2007.

Rare Early
''Willaby and the Professor'' stories:


''Willaby Meets the Godfather”

 

 

This entire half-hour was recorded in my friend, ''Steve's'' family room when we were children in 1972. Almost all the roles are played by me, Joe Bevilacqua, except for the Godfather, the narrator, and few small parts done by Steve. The plot involves a mistaken pair of suitcases that Willaby picks up which belong to the Godfather. Willaby is kidnapped by Mr. Big and brought to Sicily, the Professor follow in pursuit, and they are eventually rescued by Super Jerk and Boy Blunder. I was 13-years old and ''Steve'' was 14 when we recorded this. You can read an essay about it called ''A Tale of Two Willoughbys: 35-year Apart” here: (link to essay). I remastered this story in 2007 for airing on XM Radio but it has not been broadcast at this time.


''Willaby Goes to Hollywood''

 

 

The earliest ''Willaby'' I have found, although not the first I recorded. This one was ad-libbed in my bedroom with me, Joe Bevilacqua doing all the voices, including Willaby, the Professor, Hollywood director Otto Premature, Mr. Big and others. After the Professor appears on ''The Johnny Carton Show,'' he is invited to star in a big Hollywood movie. He soon finds out that the director is insane and he and Willaby are supposed to play all the roles themselves. Luckily, Mr. Big shows up and takes over as the movie's only actor. Months later, Willaby and the Professor go to see the movie, the craziest western ever made. I remastered this story in 2007 for airing on XM Radio but it has not been broadcast at this time.

The Misadventures
of Sherlock Holmes

Comedy and mystery are happy bedfellows in The Misadventures of Sherlock Holmes, my ten-part series of half-hour radio theater, paying homage to the characters of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. This series of parodies was written, produced, and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua, with written help from Daws Butler and Robert J. Cirasa. I was inspired to create this radio series, first from reading Conan Doyle's stories. I tried to fill the scripts with sly references to the original "Canon," as it s called. Even th Baker Street Irregulars and other Holmesian groups and scholars have enjoyed this about my series.

My second inspiration, as you might have guessed was ... Daws Butler, the great voice actor and my mentor. In 1976, Daws wrote a script called "Sherlock Holmes in Trouble," which portrayed Holmes as a booby and Watson as a selfish intellectual using Holmes. It led to several other scripts some if which were produced, including "This Here is Your Life, Sherlock Holmes," written and performed by Daws and his acting workshop.

The third inspiration came when I met a group of actors I met in the summer of 1982. I was acting in an Off-Broadway play, "Spider's Web" by Lucille Fletcher, author of the great radio play. "Sorry, Wrong Number." I was the mysterious Butler (I didn't do it.) and the cast was rounded out by Brit Vernon Morris, and an American cast of wonderful actors I grew to love over the months we performed for the Meat & Potatoes Company, with no air condition!

All the characters in "Spider's Web" had their Holmesian counterparts. I quickly decided to write a ten-part radio drama series, built around the first Daws Butler script, which eventually served as episode three in th plot arc of my series, starring this cast.

The Misadventures of Sherlock Holmes premiered in October 1983 on WBAI and ran through 1985. By the time, we were finished, we had ten great, inspired half-hours. They have since played on public radio stations across the United States, in Canada, England, Australia and New Zealand. Mostly, recently, they aired on XM Radio, since 2003.

Vernon Morris was an amazing Holmes, playing him more like Stan Laurel than Basil Rathbone. Henry J. Quinn, though not English, played his Watson as a pompous, lying egotist, the opposite of the Nigel Bruce booby interpretation of the character from the 1940s movies. Henry was a retired FBI agent, who took up acting late and was often seen in sketches on David Letterman. The late Jan Meredith of North Carolina was the nutty but jovial Mrs. Hudson, played as an Irish woman. English actress Gwendolyn Lewis played Holmes's secret love, Irene Adler, as a sexy tone-deaf tart who dreamed of being an opera singer.

The entire series, plus extras, such as pilot episodes not aired and outtakes, can be purchased on a data CD of broadcast quality MP3s.

Below are links to the main 10 episodes of this series as well as three earlier “pilot” attempts I made with a different cast, which aired on WKNJ-FM in Union New Jersey in 1980 and 1981.


Episode One:
“The Mystery
of the Creepy Hack Writer”

 

 

In 1887, Holmes is a 28-year old beggar on Baker Street when Doctor John H. Watson, MD, takes him into his lodgings at 221 Baker Street, London, much to the dismay of Watson's Irish landlady, Mrs. Hudson. Soon, Holmes is thrust into his very case when they are visited by three mysterious men. Who is the creepy hack writer? You will have to listen, to find out!! Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Ms. Hudson: Jan Meredith; Arthur Conan Doyle and all other roles: Joe Bevilacqua.


Episode Two:
"My Dinner at Baker Street"

 

 

Holmes invites his old math teacher to dinner, not knowing he is the evil Moriarty who is there to kill him. The story ends with a hilarious sword fight (with REAL swords, choreographed by Broadway's Ed Easton.) I wrote this one by hand on a legal pad in 12 hours one day in 1983 when I was visiting Daws Butler. He had dropped me off at LAX and my flight was delayed. I was stuck so I bought a pen and pad and what you hear on this show is exactly what I wrote that day! Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; Professor Moriarty: Ed Hyland.


Episode Three:
"Sherlock Holmes in Trouble"

 

 

This is the Daws Butler script that started it all. Cockney Bert Stover visits 221-B Baker Street to ask Holmes to find the ''bloke what done in'' his Teresa, who turns out to be a cat Holmes himself tripped over and killed near London Bridge while out buying an onion bun. Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; Bert Stover: Joe Bevilqcqua.


Episode Four:
"A Study in Lavender"

 

 

This was the second script I wrote while I was in college. Holmes is visited by his old flame Irene Adler, who wants him to investigate her husband's murder. The husband? Professor James Moriarty! Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; Irene Adler: Terry Price; Young Basil Rathbone: Terry Price.


Episode Five:
"The Death of Mr. Sherlock Holmes"

 

 

While the great detective is in India on holiday, Watson conducts Holmes's death to boost his sagging books sales. Holmes is mistaken for an imposture and put in jail with Gandhi, who he trades places with to escape. When Holmes returns Holmes he gives Watson a present, a box of cheese he bought on the island of Sumatra. Unfortunately, all that is is the box is a rat who ate the cheese. Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; Gandhi: Gary Beery; Hester and Lester: Joe Bevilacqua; newspaper reporter: Vernon Morris; prison guard: William Melillo.


Episode Six:
"The Giant Rat of Sumatra"

 

 

Holmes has a drug-induced vision about the rat he inadvertently brought home from Sumatra. The rat talks to him, recites ''Jabberwocky,'' eats all the cheese in the flat, grows gigantic, breaks through the walls of 221-B Baker Street and ravages London and beyond in search of more cheese. Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; The Rat: Henry J. Quinn; additional characters by Joe Bevilacqua, William Melillo and Gary Beery.


Episode Seven:
"Tales From the Vienna Wards"

 

 

Holmes finds himself in the loony bin, being treated by an equally loony Doctor Sigmund Freud, who eventually uses a strange method of ''singing therapy” to cure him, as well as Watson, Irene Adler and Mrs. Hudson. Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; Irene Adler: Gwendolyn Lewis; Sigmund Fred: Joe Bevilacqua.


Episode Eight:
"His Second to Last Bow"

 

 

In 1924, Holmes, Watson and Mrs. Hudson travel to America in search of Sherlock Holmes imposer, only to discover it is actor William Gillette who is playing the detective in a Broadway musical. Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; William Gillette and all other characters and songs: Joe Bevilacqua.


Episode Nine:
"Revenge of the Beekeeper"

 

 

In 1929, Beekeeper Holmes comes out of retirement one last time to find out who is trying to kill him. Mrs. Hudson appears to have gone made and now thinks SHE is Sherlock Holmes, so Holmes dresses up as Mrs. Hudson to solve the case. The trail leads him the the onion bun shop he frequents near London Bridge, where he encounters every characters from the previous eight episodes. In the end, Holmes has his revenge on them all by dying of natural causes before the have a chance to kill him. Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mrs. Hudson: Jan Meredith; all other characters: Joe Bevilacqua. The show includes outtakes from “Holmes Creepy Christmas”.


Episode Ten:
"Holmes Creepy Christmas"

 

 

This special holiday story takes place in 1888, when Holmes, Watson and Watson's wife, Mary Morstan, visit Scotland and the castle of Lord Tavis Mac Millian, only to become entangled in the curse of the Loch Alsh monstor and the ghost of Mac Beth. Sherlock Holmes: Vernon Morris; Dr. John H. Watson, MD: Henry J. Quinn; Mary Morstan: Gwendolyn Lewis; Tavis Mac Millian: B.H. Barry; the three witches: Jan Meredith, Gwendolyn Lewis; Joe Bevilacqua; Scotty Mac Melillo: Vernon Morris.

NEW OLD TIME RADIO


Honest Harold and the Attack
of the Crawling Things
From Outer Space

 

 

This is a new story based on the old time radio character created in 1950 by Harold Perry of “The Great Gildersleeve,” written by Justin Felix, as a short story in the book: It's That Time Again: New Stories of Old Time Radio, published by Bear Manor Media. It was adaptation for radio by me, Joe Bevilacqua, with all the characters performed by me and my wife Lorie Kellogg (she even plays a man!) It was recorded in 2006 and premiered in 2007 on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 . at the end of the half-hour, you will hear several very funny comedy sketches by me and Garret Gega, recorded at WKNJ-FM in Union, New Jersey in 1981, including a sick and twisted spoof of Frank Purdue Chicken commercials and ''Johnny Carson Meets Dracula”

The New Old Time Radio Hour

This is my most recent radio comedy special and it has not even aired yet! It was written, produced and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua, and my wife Lorie Kellogg. The hour features great sound effects, songs, and music by Paul Salomone (piano) and Joan Bierschenk (bagpipes). The idea is to bring back some of the great radio characters of the past in NEW stories. The idea is based on the Bear Manor Media books: It's That Time Again: New Stories of Old Time Radio. The show is in two parts:

FIBBER MCGEE AND MOLLY
in "The House of Wax"

 

 

It's 1953 when Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve makes a less than triumphant return to Wistful Vita to introduce Vincent Price at the Wistful Vista Bijou premiere of the 3-D movie "The House of Wax". Meanwhile, Fibber tries to save five cents by making his own 3-D glasses. Teeny, Mr. Oldtimer, Wally Wimple, Mrs. Uppington, Harlow Wilcox, and even Fibber's closet... are all there in this brand "Fibber" tale, recorded before a live audience at SUNY Dutchess in Poughkeepsie, New York on March 20, 2007. Archie: Joe Bevilacqua; Fibber McGee: Jim Folly; Molly McGee: Lorie Kellogg; Teeny: Lorie Kellogg; Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve: Joe Bevilacqua; Mr. Oldtimer: Kenny Savoy; Harlow Wilcox/Announcer: Joe Bevilacqua; Vincent Price: Jim Folly; Wally Wimple: Lorie Kellogg; Mrs. Uppington: Lorie Kellogg ; Mayor La Trivia: Jim Folly; Doc Gamble: Joe Bevilacqua; Gangster: Kenny Savoy; Allen Jenkins: Jim Folly; Bud Abbott: Joe Bevilacqua; Lou Costello: Jim Folly; W.C. Fields: Joe Bevilacqua; May West: Lorie Kellogg.

DUFFY'S TAVERN:
"If We All Talked Like Allen Jenkins"

 

 


 

Archie, Finnegan, Eddie, Miss Duffy and all the gang are back "where the elite meet to eat" in this first new "Duffy's Tavern" outing since 1952. Archie tries to lure the Shriner's Convention to the tavern with promises of big stars he can't deliver, not knowing the real Warner Brothers movie actors Edward G. Robinson and Allen Jenkins are hiding in the kitchen. This brand new "Duffy" was recorded before a live audience at SUNY Dutchess in Poughkeepsie, New York on March 20, 2007. Orson Welles: Joe Bevilacqua; Archie: Joe Bevilacqua; Eddie: Aundrae Dair; Miss Duffy: Lorie Kellogg; Allen Jenkins: Jim Folly Finnegan: Kenny Savoy; Edward G. Robinson: Joe Bevilacqua; Officer Clancy: Kenny Savoy; Shriner #1 (Bogie): Joe Bevilacqua; Shriner #2 (Cagney): Kenny Savoy; Shriner #3 (Grant): Jim Folly; Shriner #4 (Cooper): Joe Bevilacqua; Mob Voice/Art Dealer #1: Lorie Kellogg; Mob Voice/Art Dealer #2: Aundrae Dair; Mob Voice/Art Dealer #3: Kenny Savoy; Announcer: Joe Bevilacqua; Igor (Lorre): Kenny Savoy; Boris (Karloff): Jim Folly; Harpo Marx: Kenny Savoy; Chico Marx: Jim Folly.



Brute Ballingham, Private Detective

 

 

This was written by William Melillo, and produced and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua. The play, which pays tribute to classic Warner Brothers film noir such as ''The Big Sleep'' was commission by Metacom's Adventures in Cassettes and featured in their catalog beginning in 1987. The company was since sold to Radio Spirits, now owned by MediaBay. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 . Brute Ballingham: Joe Bevilacqua; Moolatah: Jan Meredith; Manny: Joe Bevilacqua; Latrine Cassette: Alison Nead; Ernie the Stooly: William Melillo.



The Silhouette

 

 

This was my second parody of the classic old time radio drama, ''The Shadow'' was written, produced and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua. It was commission by Metacom's Adventures in Cassettes and featured in their catalog beginning in 1987. The company was since sold to Radio Spirits, now owned by MediaBay. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 . Lamont Cranberry: Joe Bevilacqua; Margo Lame: Cathi Tully; Commissioner Western: Rick Ramos; Shreevy: Alison Nead; the Reflection: Joe Bevilacqua.



The Old Ranger

 

 

This is my second parody of the old time radio drama, ''The Lone Ranger,'' written, produced and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua. It was commission by Metacom's Adventures in Cassettes and featured in their catalog beginning in 1987. The company was since sold to Radio Spirits, now owned by MediaBay. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 . The Old Ranger: Joe Bevilacqua; Toronto: Rick Ramos; other characters: Alison Nead and Cathi Tully. (file name: silhoutte.mp3, logos for NPR, XM, links to all of them, links to comedyorama.com, sonic theater page, etc.)



The Lonely Ranger

 

 

This is my first parody of the old time radio drama, ''The Lone Ranger.'' I ad-libbed this in my bedroom in 1975, at the age of 16 with my friend “Steve”. Surprisingly, for our young ages, it has a really good story and is pretty funny! I remastered it in 2007 for XM Radio but it has not aired at this time. I played The Lonely Ranger in a voice that sounds like a cross between Brace Beemer, the actor mot known as playing the Lone Ranger on radio, and iconoclast writer Hunter S. Thompson. “Steve” played the Tonto part as if he was drunk! Not political correct today but funny!



The Red Hornet

 

 

This is my parody of the old time radio drama, ''The Green Hornet,'' written, produced and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua. I thought it might be funny to play the lead in the voice of W.C. Fields! It was commission by Metacom's Adventures in Cassettes and featured in their catalog beginning in 1987. The company was since sold to Radio Spirits, now owned by MediaBay. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163 . The Red Hornet: Joe Bevilacqua; Kato: William Melillo; other characters: Rick Ramos, Alison Nead and Cathi Tully.

 



Waiting for Rochester – To Stop

 

 


This is my parody of the old time radio drama, ''Suspense,'' produced and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua, and written by me and Robert J. Cirasa. I did not know at the time that Jack Benny had actually be in several “Suspense” dramas when I decided to use the cast of “The Jack Benny Show” as if they were trapped in an existential drama by Jean Paul Sartre. It was commission by Metacom's Adventures in Cassettes and featured in their catalog beginning in 1987. The company was since sold to Radio Spirits, now owned by MediaBay. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163. Jack Benny: Joe Bevilacqua; Mary Livingston: Cathi Tully; Don Wilson: Jay Snyder; Dennis Day: Peter Cummings; Bing Crosby: Joe Bevilacqua; Phil Harris: Joe Bevilacqua; Professor La Blanc/Jean Paul Sartre: Joe Bevilacqua; Benny's parrot: Joe Bevilacqua; Train Conductor/Sponsor: Joe Bevilacqua; Satin/Interviewer: Thomas Babakowski.



War of the Welles

 

 


This is my parody of the legendary 1939 Orson Welles-Mercury Theater radio drama, ''War of the Worlds'' by H.G. Welles. It was produced and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua, and written by William Melillo. We thought it would be funny to use the same serious tone for our version, which is not about a Martian invasion but about a water shortage and the battle the ensues between two rival water companies in rural New York State. Soon, all the water is contaminated, making people talk funny. Thus, its the story of why people in New York talk so funny. A tempest in a water pot, as it were. So this is not the broadcast that panicked the country but the one that stymied a county! It was commission by Metacom's Adventures in Cassettes and featured in their catalog beginning in 1987. The company was since sold to Radio Spirits, now owned by MediaBay. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



The Shadow:
With This Pig, I Thee Wed

 

 

This was the first parody of of the classic old time radio drama, ''The Shadow'' created by me, Joe Bevilacqua and Charlie Morrow, and features some pretty interesting adult references and modernization of characters and plot. It first aired on WBAI-FM in New York in 1986, and has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



A Midsummer Night's Dream

 

 

Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4
In 1995, Roger Hendricks Simon and I created this two-hour adaptation of William's Shakespeare's great fantasy. It was performed LIVE on the air on WBAI-FM in New York, and featured a full cast, sound effects and music. It has since aired, in four-half-hour segments, on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



More Poetry Than Truth:
A Delicious Fiction

 

 

Another great play by Daws Butler, this comedy-drama tells the story of Herbie and Manta Ray, autograph hounds, who annoy quirky poet, Edgerton Voss, until he becomes their friend. It features me, Joe Bevilacqua, as Edgerton, Melissa Jackson as Manta, William Melillo as Herbie, Cathi Tully as the boy and Jerry Joffe as the classically New York traffic cop. It first aired on WBAI-FM in New York in 1982, and has since aired, as part of the first installment of ''What the Butler Wrote: Scenes from the Daws Butler Workshop, on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



The Care and Feeding of a Poet

 

 

Another great play by Daws Butler, a sequel to More Poetry Than Truth, this comedy-drama tells the story of Herbie and Manta Ray, autograph hounds, who annoy quirky poet, Edgerton Voss, until he becomes their friend. It features me, Joe Bevilacqua, as Edgerton, Melissa Jackson as Manta, and William Melillo as Herbie. It has since aired, as the first installment of ''What the Butler Wrote: Scenes from the Daws Butler Workshop,'' on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



The Exquisite Dimensions of Lydia

 

 

Another great original comedy-drama created for NPR Playhouse, in 1994, directed by Roger Hendricks Simon, written by Jack Cornwall, and performed by Mia Hemholt and Chet Carlin. The play involves a rather sick relationship between a psychiatrist and his patient. It has since aired on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



Barnardo's Farewell

 

Recorded before a live audience at the Manhattan School Music, this joyful play for all ages, was written by Sara Levine Simon and directed by Roger Hendricks Simon. It first aired on NPR Playhouse in 1994. It is a tender story about a great concert musician and his cello, who talks to him, performed by me, Joe Bevilacqua as Barnardo, Tova Feldshuh as his cello, Roger Hendricks Simon in sever, with music performed by the cellist Michael Carera and the Manhattan Chamber Symphonia, conducted by Glen Cortese. It has since aired on XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



The Pace of Youth by Stephen Crane

 

 

This charming adaptation of the short story by Stephen Crane was directed by Peggy Dunn, as part of a readers theater stage production at Kean University in 1981. I produced it for radio that same year, with a slightly different cast, including myself as narrator, Peter Cummings, Leslie Spital, Cathi Tully and others, and it first aired on WKNJ-FM in Union, New Jersey. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



A Halloween Happening

 

This wonderfully imaginative fantasy, written by Daws Butler (Yogi Bear), tells the tale of a husband and wife who run into a congress of trolls, while en route to a Halloween party during a thunder storm. It was directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua, and features charming performances by me, along with William Melillo, Cathi Tully, Suzanne Gilbert and James Cronin. It first aired on WKNJ-FM in Union New Jersey in 1981, has since aired on WBAI-FM in New York, NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



The Bear by Anton Chekov

 

 

This classic play was adapted for radio by me, Joe Bevilacqua, for WBAI-FM in New York, in 1982. It features some outstanding acting by Cathi Tully, Bob Miller, and the late William Duff-Griffin. It has since aired on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



Ology of Isms

 

 

This modern adaptation of Hans Christian Anderson's classic ''The Emperor's New Clothes'' was written by Nigerian playwright Emmanuel Adele, and directed by me, Joe Bevilacqua. The play first aired on WKNJ-FM in Union, New Jersey, performed by me, long with Emmanuel Adele, Peter Cummings and James Cronin. It has since aired on WBAI-FM in New York, NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163.



A Thurber Carnival

 

 

I produced, directed and played all the roles, male and female in this series of selected sketches by the great humorist James Thurber, from the book of short stories by the same name, when I was in college in 1981. It includes such great stories as ''The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.” It only aired once on WKNJ-FM in Union, New Jersey, and is presented here for the first time since 1981.



The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins by Doctor Seuss

 

 

This amazing recorded was made by the great voice actor Daws Butler (Yogi Bear) and his sons, Chas and Don Butler in 1977. It was finally produced with full music and sound effects by me, Joe Bevilacqua in 2001. It has aired as part of the eleventh installment of ''What the Butler Wrote: Scenes from the Daws Butler Workshop, on NPR stations nationwide, as well as XM Satellite Radio's Sonic Theater Channel 163. The show begins with an interview with Chas and Don about their amazing dad.


Camp Waterlogg Specials

 

 

This series of specials aired on XM Satellite Radio featured such guset stars as: Al Franken & Bob Edwards, Shelley Berman, and Lewis Black. I produced and directed them and they were improved by me, along with Lorie Kellogg, Cousin Kenny Savoy, Jim Folly, Tom Giannazzo, Reagan Bongiorno, and Carla Rozman

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Joe Bevilacqua

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